Part of me

We live of big sudden emotions without any sense ..

Over you

I thought everything would be okay, I knew this year things would be harder, but I never knew things would be difficult between us, I really hoped for the best, but what do I thought the best was? God I knew how you were, how everything was.. Sure there was never promisses, you never said forever, and I was foolish enough not to make you say how you felt, what we were. So maybe, we were nothing, or maybe we were everything, every moment, every bit of time our hearts sang the same melody, every words left to say couldn't define us.. We were nothing like common, we were everything but true, and in the end, I looked everywhere and there was no you.
So I asked myself many times today, if everything was meant to be this way. My heart shouted no, but my head stills stays low. And I walk the steps we used to walk together, I talk to myself the way we used to talk to each other but nobody answers, cause you knew all the thing I loved to hear, you knew everything made sense when we were near.
I saw the look on your face when you knew I could tell that things weren't well, and you still stayed far away, and you stoped looking my way, and somehow in the middle of all that mess, I looked up and saw a light, and I knew that as time passed by everything would be alright.
So now I'm just hanging on, keeping in my memorie that the person who pull me up was the one who brought me down.

Destiny

Do you ever think about how everything could be different if you just did something that in the that time you thought it wasn't a good thing to do ?
Do you believe that everything that we do isn't important? Because some people believe that the story of our lives has already been writen, so it doesn't really matter what you do and say, life is just a game sometimes, but I don't agree..
If I did, I would never do anything, I'd seat in my sofa and stare at the tv, knowing that everything would happen even with me doing nothing..
I believe we have control over our destiny, I believe that everything I have I got it by fighting, by struggling, by never giving up.
A few days ago my world collapsed, I thought that finaly destiny had played a trick on me, and there was nothing I could do.. I thought "why should I continue struggling if in the end fate always gets the best of us??". And I stopped believing in myself, because being controlled wasn't for me, my life didn't mean anything without me having some kind of power over it..
I was confused, and thinking that all my life I had been wrong about this, no matter what I did, everything had ended up wrong..
And then there was light!
I could see, I could feel it.. And I decided to play a trick on fate, and with all my strenght I did something destiny never expected, I reacted.
And it worked.. Or at least for now it worked..
So the big conclusion for me is: sure fate and destiny play a huge part in our lives, and sure I get pissed off with it, but if everytime destiny shouts "it's that way", and I take the other path, maybe, even if just for a day, I'll know that everything was my choice..

Sure you don't care about the planet,

sure it's dying and many people don't care..

But I do,

And the panda does too.

I see this pictures,

and they give me hope ...

1000 goodbyes

I stoped writing for a few days, not because I was lacking of ideas, but instead, I was full of them.
So much happened after the last thing I posted here, again I'm confused, lost, or whatever you call this weird feeling that has kept me smilling for like 3 days! It's brain freeze, sometimes I wonder if you do this on porpuse, if you like to always say goodbye and see my face when you keep coming back.. Maybe this makes you excited, it's like a game, where I end up the looser no matter what the dice says, and you.. ooh you are never satisfied, you like this don't you? I can't lie, I hate the game, but I can't stop loving the player..
And wow, I'm smilling again, and having so many dreams, so much hope. That's what you do best. You give me all of you, in the form of hope, enough to leave me wanting more, enough not to give up, to care. Cause I can't see you sad, never want to make you mad, so if I do, you'll know, I finnally stoped loving you.
I'll be waiting as long as I can, I'll believe even in the end, and I'll hope for a miracle right now, cause I know the end isn't near, and so far I believed and it didn't work, and maybe just maybe, I'll be brave enough to handle your next goodbye, and ask you to close the door as you leave..

Never alone

I was never an easy person, even today I have alot of trust issues, it's difficult for me to trust someone, because all my life no one was brave enough to trust me, to help me.. I needed to be saved, and for along time I fought alone, against everyone, and everything. You don't need to know the story of my life, but basicaly until I was seven I was alone in the world. It was scary, being alone and pretending not to care, I was strong, still am, and I still think that I can do everything by myself.. But there's no need for it, cause I've got the best friends and mother in the world, and they care!

I decided to write to them, so to you, to all my friends, veryone who's standing beside me today, and everyone who's far but in my heart.

There was always something about me that was difficult to understand, I know that, and I know that you struggle everyday to understand me, to not give up.. Sometimes I push you away but you keep coming back, and I'm so gratefull for everything. There wouldn't be a PATXÓ if it wasn't for you, cause all I ever did, was to arrive at this moment and see how many great people I have arround me and how I'm not sure I deserve it..
I know how much I care about you all, and how much of a pain in the ass I am, but it's just me, and I know if I changed you'd miss me ..
So now I'm showing here all my love for you, for everything that you all did ´for me, and to say that forever I'll be here to help, forever I will care, and to say that forever is not long enough..

Love you all

Green stuff

Green feelings

Green dreams

Green tears

Green Person

Something in nothing

I knew I could see the future,
Maybe make it better,
maybe it didn't matter..
I knew I would have to cry,
I knew we were nothing but a bubly lie,
But I had to try..
Sundenly everything was something,
All my feelings were revealed
The truth was that
In the end I was the one who was real..
I cared enough not to show it,
I saw enough not to care,
But somehow it always ended up
In "stop and stare"..
I swear I only needed you,
I tried to make it come true,
But everything wasn't for you..
And so here I am,
After all we've been through,
Something in nothing,
this is me and you..

In this world nothing is important

Everything is instantaneous and irrelevant..

I want to make this moment last,

make it matter,

make it happen!

Is there more?

Something is really wrong with me right now, I don't know what is it, but my heart is strange like if there was a hand grabbing and squishing it.. It doesn't hurt, it's more like a heavy thing that I have to walk with everywhere I go, and I'm getting kind of tired.
Everyone arround me seems to understand what I'm going though, but how can they, if even I don't know what's going on?! Everyone keeps trying to help, saying how everything is gonna be okay.. But what happens if it doesn't? what happens if everyone is wrong and EVERYTHING goes wrong? You always have answers but I think this time you are as clueless as I am, face it: everything about me is wrong, everything about us isn't meant to be, everything about you keeps me from flying free.. And I hate and love every minute of being your prisoner.
I keep telling myself to let go, and everytime the space between us grows, you come closer again and I can't believe you're near.. And then, one day, your're gone again, and I'm missing you and going crazy, and everything is falling appart, until there's another sign.. What the hell are we doing?? This is a circle everything changes but still, everything's the same, at the end of the day I walk home with nothing and you still have it all.
I know there will always be something there, what I don't know is how am I supose to live knowing that a person like you is out there, and that for a moment that person seemed to care?
I just have to move on, with everything I thought you and I could be, everything I'll never have, everything I can't leave.. Wait! I just said I was moving on, and now I'm saying "everything I can't leave"?!
See?? This is exactly what you do to me.. But then again, it doesn't really matter to you..
You have it all, everything you've ever wanted and there's still a bonus: me..