Friday, December 3, 2010

When Silence Comes

Once upon a time there was a girl, who fell in love with a boy, he brought her pain, he brought her shame. She was naked, filled with sorrow, trapped in her turtle's shell.
Time passed and she grew stronger, she kept herself from feeling anything any longer.
Strange days arrived, she promissed to her friends never to fall in love again, she flew from every boy, stood away from every date. She was happy, she was kind, she had friends she wanted to fly. Big dreams moved her foward, big heart gave her peace, but where was love?
Part of her wanted it all, great love, a bunch of kids, the other part was too hurt to accept even the possibility of feeling anything close to passion, to fire.
She looked arround and felt horribly alone, everyone was in love everyone could go home to someone. But she couldn't, she wouldn't, she was scared. And soon she forgot all about love.
So many people kept trying to remind her, but no one was capable to awake that part of her heart, "it was safer this way" she thought.

Safe or not silence came.
It was cold,, restless, and it pulled her away from the world, cause love was to strong for her to ignore, so silence she prefered and stoped caring anymore.

Then he came, with his silly walk, and fast talk, he put her in her place, and there was no grace about him, he was careless of what would come next, living the moment, facing the fear, she tried stopping love but it was to late, and he was to near. She fell and got up, stood in front of him, looked him in the eyes, and she felt powerless. She knew from that moment on that the fight was over, love had won. She was still scared, but also hoppeful, she dreamed a new dream, and ther was love, and dates, and friendship, there was him and that was simply enough.~

He came, and took the silence away.

Sunday, August 22, 2010

Another chance

Who hasn’t felt crazy about someone, that from the beginning you knew you couldn’t ever have? I guess we all love the thrill of the chase, and I thought for sometime that I could look away from love, and just feel the fire and the adrenaline of wanting and desiring a boy just for the game, for a moment witch lasted about an hour, I thought that I could get away with being a player, for the excitement of making people fall for me though I was not in love with them.
The truth is that I was foolish enough to think, that I could make myself, the girl who always falls in love with the wrong kind of players, become one of them. Why would I ever want to change you may ask: I was tired of being played.
Did I want revenge? Yeah, at the beginning I thought that was it, but now I know that I just didn’t want to feel that everything that had happen was my fault, that I wasn’t good enough.

Well, I was.

I’ve always believed in fairytales, although I haven’t experienced one, I just have a need to believe in all those “happy ever afters”. After feeling the pain of a broken heart, I know that all the glue in the world can’t erase what I had felt in that hot summer day, but I could accept the pain and move forward, cause I never stopped wondering what would come next, and I knew I had to think that what ever that was, it resumed itself to another test.
I passed it, with distinction, and I knew there wasn’t any other way, so even when I felt like a storm was forming all around, when everybody was afraid of talking about it out loud, I knew it had nothing to do with me, I was at peace.

So now, when someone asks me, If I’m alright, I just nod, smile and say: I have been for a while now.

The only game I’ll ever play in a world of players, is the game where I always win, the game of falling in love, never play for something in between. Sometimes a broken hearted girl is just another person with the chance of falling in love once more.

Saturday, February 20, 2010

Love Actually

Yeah, we've all seen that movie a dozen times, and still I can't help but to smile and cry everytime.. Love is true, love happens, it comes slowly, while sparks are still flying and it arrives to stay. Can't let go, can't stop it from spreading, and soon enough we're all finding it hard to breath, we're all aching to live.. It hurts, it kills, it gives life, and all of a sudden it takes it away too.

I think I kind of stumbled into it.

It scared me at first, because I had never felt something so powerfull. Everything was different this time, nothing like the first one, this time all the love I felt was hidden, disguised as friendship, or even better, it grew out from a friendship to something that words can never explain. It was beautiful just because it felt like something that grew, and became stronger as the time passed and as we got to know each other. Wrong, right, never taught of that, not for a second, I just lived it. Wrong move.

He was perfect. I'm not talking about his looks, he was cute, with eyes that could kill me in a second, but that was not it. He was, and still is one of the most beautiful persons I know, on the inside. He's kind, fun to have arround, always enjoying life. Hardworker, peaceful, brave and most of all his heart is priceless. I knew I had found the only guy who could really fufill me, and for a second that felt like an eternity I was happy.. Me! Happy! Even I know how awkard those two words look together. I fell into his arms, and believed it was forever. I wasn't thinking about the future, but forever seemed to fit my perfect fantasy. Then again, wrong thinking..

It wasn't perfect, it wasn't true, it had nothing to do with forever.. I wasn't faking, but aparently, he was trying to forget someone and realised we were a mistake. It was so clichê, that I couldn't believe it. I could see the movie clip rolling, but I was standing still, facing the facts, the truth that all the actors seemed to already know.. Maybe I should've read the script.

Now I just wish I could go back, and keep myself from feeling, because I just don't know how to stop, the movie is ending, and he'll probably have his happy ending, but what about me? Is there a happy something ine the end of my story?

Can't possibly know, so I'll let the movie rolle, the leading man stay with his girl, and me, I'll stand behind the scenes, playing the extra on the love story of the man of my dreams.

Saturday, January 16, 2010

A Touch of Truth

Everyone knows I only write when I'm sad, everyone knows there's only one person capable of making me mad. I haven't written in months, because I believe there are some feelings, some stories that aren't meant to be told.

My story is the same old one: girl falls for the wrong guy believing he's the right one, he shows her all the wonders in the world, takes her to fly in his magic carpet, tells her verything about Upendi, buys her the perfect crystal shoes, takes her to the ball in his white horse.. And leaves her in the midle of the final dance for the much prettier Cinderella..

The end is close, and as much as I wanted to delay this moment, I knew there could never be a happy ending, or at least not one that involved "and they lived happily ever after". I finaly discovered everything he tried to hide, all his dirt, and it hurt. I believed in someone that wasn't real, I believed in him for everything he made me feel, but he also taught me better, he taught me to see behind his lies, he taught me to stop believing in every try. I told him everything he wasn't expecting to hear, and for the first time I wasn't the one filled up with fear.. I knew I was the only person who could see him for what he really was, and from that moment on everything got worse. I don't know if it's regret, shame or some other feeling with no name, but our eyes don't find each other anymore, our conversations are nothing like before, and we don't walk towards each other, more, less, nothing, everything, how come there is never a midle term for us?

While writing the las paragraph I was thinking about what my conclusion should be, and I got to a fantastic finding: I'm clueless. All this time I thought that I knew everything that was going on, I could put all my feeling into paper, but now everything seems stuck, between what I should be saying, what I feel, and all that I do. All I wanted was to make him come true, turn him into what I thought he should've been for me, but then he wouldn't be him, and this wouldn't be called "a love story with an uncommon ending for the girld that sould've realize that the guy didn't belong to her fairytale".

It took one hour to write this, usually it takes fifteen minutes, which means that he still owns so much of my time, he's still with me although he was never mine.